I was just reading a post on the new-to-me Sips and Steps blog about a great giveaway from Click! Espresso Protein Drink. Be sure to check it out!
Just follow the linky link! You could win all of this:
The giveaway consists of the following: 4 packets (2 Mocha & 2 Vanilla Latte) + a blender bottle & the e-tote
Good Luck!
I have always loved to cook. I enjoy the creativity and spontaneity of it. During warmer months, I wander the farmer’s market, picking up fresh veggies and herbs, fresh baked goods and home-canned specialties. Once home, I can spend hours in the kitchen chopping and dicing, marinating and sauteing until I somehow manage to combine my market finds into a delicious, light and healthy meal. No recipes, no preconceived ideas as to what the dish should look like. I work by feel and taste, adding here, holding back there until it is just right.
When the weather is colder, though, baking is my vice. An odd hobby for someone whose diet does not normally include sweets, I suppose, but I like the calm deliberateness of baking. There is a rigidity inherent in combining eggs, flour, butter and sugar into tasty little nibbles that appeals to me. Perhaps it is part of my hibernation process, but as liberating and carefree as my summer cooking is, my winter baking is careful and precise and that is strangely comforting. Since surgery, I might have a little taste of whatever it is I’m making, especially if I’m trying a new recipe for the first time, but mostly, it is the actual tasks of baking and then packing goodie boxes for friends and family that bring the most satisfaction.
And, oh how I love a new recipe! Recently, I agreed to make macaroons for the Bestie’s brother. While searching for a recipe, I accidentally typed macaron into google search and was struck by these gorgeous little french confections. Who knew that missing “o” would become such an obsession? And has it ever! I’ve looked up and printed out every blog, recipe, tip and trick I can find related to making macarons, a task that, by all accounts, is at once tedious and fickle but incredibly rewarding. I couldn’t wait to try them for myself! The only problem: I’ve never seen one. Nor have I tasted one. There are no bakeries in my are that carry them. I could order and have some shipped, I guess, but how fresh would they be and would I get a true representation of the taste and texture that is the mark of a perfect macaron? Luckily, my cousin’s wife works not too far from a bakery in St. Louis that specializes in macarons and she graciously agreed to bring me some samples. Whew!
I wasn’t expecting them to be so small, just about an inch in diameter, and they were quite sturdy. But that shell was deceiving. Made of almond flour and sugar folded into stiffly whipped egg whites, the shell is a lot like that of an egg. It feels hard to the touch, but when you bite into it, it gives way to a very moist and delicate interior. Then two shells are filled with buttercream, ganache or jam to create the final treat.
Now that I have my samples (well, had my samples…we finished them off at the office today), I’m ready to try my hand at baking them. I have my shopping list made and I’m just waiting for the storms to move out of the area so I can get started (apparently, humidity is not my friend). I’ll post pictures of my attempt. Let’s hope they turn out as perfect as the ones from Rue Lafayette.
So, I mentioned earlier that baking might seem like a strange hobby for someone who has had weight loss surgery. And I suppose it is. But for me it is more about balance. Baking is rigid and precise, very much the opposite of my life. I’m impulsive and chaotic at times and baking forces me to slow down, focus on the task at hand and follow instructions. There is a simplicity in that that is calming. Also, I like making treats for the people I love. It makes me feel less guilty for being a little on the selfish side. Besides, I can’t be expected to live on protein alone, right? One little bite won’t kill me…I’ll just call it a lesson in moderation.
As I continue to get fit, I keep noticing little victories that have nothing to do with the scale or the size of pants I’m wearing. These discoveries are starting to mean more to me than any number ever could.
Each time I work out, I can feel my back getting stronger. I find that I’m sitting up a little straighter most of the time and I don’t have the constant shoulder and lower back pain that used to make me miserable. My legs are stronger and I have more endurance. That nagging hip and knee pain that made thirty minutes on the treadmill feel like an eternity…vanished! I’m noticing more strength and definition in my core. I walk taller, straighter, not hunched over as though each step is a chore.
Lately, these three things – stronger back, legs and core – have given way to an even BIGGER victory. Sky-high heels! I’ve always had a thing for heels, the higher the better. My feet, not so much. In fact, they were so fond of protesting my choice in footwear that I always made sure to have a pair of flats or sensible kitten heels at the ready. As my weight has gone down, though, my tootsies have ceased their crying and today I’m tottering around on these lovely 4 1/2 inch slingbacks!
It’s the little things that make me smile.
When I last left off, I had made a vow to get back on the straight and narrow, log my food and exercise like a woman possessed and really get serious about all of my goals. None of that happened. For the last month I’ve been in this freefall…a downward spiral of ennui and poor choices.
Not that the scale has noticed…much. Even though I counsel patients all the time not to become a slave to the scale, it is not a truth I live by. The first thing I do when I walk into the office each morning is kick off my shoes and jump on the scale. I never get disappointed when I don’t see a big drop, rather I keep waiting for that hard slap in the face when the number goes up. Which it rarely does. Even after vacation. That Monday morning I stepped up to a six pound loss. I was flabbergasted, to say the least. A few of those came back just a couple days later, but I wasn’t shocked by that. Since then, the scale steadily moves (down, thankfully) a tenth of a pound at a time.
I think I’m in test mode. Like I’m trying to see how much I can get away with before the scale jumps up and bites me in the ass. That’s a dangerous place to be. I’m making poor food choices, particularly in the evening, and my old friend the Carb Monster has been cozily camped out in my head. I’m considering trying the Five Day Pouch Test just to get back to the basics of my prescribed eating plan and rid myself of these insidious carb cravings.
The one thing with which I have been consistent, though, is my exercise. I’m going to the gym at least four times per week and I’ve recently started a Couch to 5K program. If someone had told me 9 months ago I’d like running, I’d have had to see that they were institutionalized. But, I do enjoy it. I’m also doing a lot of strength training. However, for the last week or so, I’ve felt pretty uninspired about my workouts. I feel like I’m just going through the motions. In my head, I know that any exercise is good exercise, but I want more. More effort, more focus and more results. I come home from the gym, drop trou and curse my thighs. How many squats and lunges do I have to do before they firm up? I’m considering hiring a personal trainer, for at least a few sessions, who will work with me to develop more effective workouts that will give me the results I’m looking for. I’m not unrealistic. I’ve lost 120 lbs from my highest weight (in 2008), 90 of those during the last nine months. I know that I’m going to have some amount of loose skin, it is inevitable. I just want to minimize it as best I can, and I know that filling in some of that skin with muscle will help.
While I’ve lost a bit of my discipline and committment, I have found a couple of things…my biceps. I have (little) muscles. In my arms! I’ve always had strong legs but my arms are weak, weak, weak. Tonight, while putting my hair up before going to the gym, I noticed something entirely foreign to me. Definition in my arms! I didn’t feel the least bit foolish standing in front of my dressing room mirror flexing and checking out my new muscles from all angles. Not one bit.
That’s all I have for now. I know I’ve been lazy about posting, mostly I’ve been procrastinating because I don’t like to put my failures on display if I can help it. But, I’m not going to pretend that everything is rosy all the time. I do want to say a little thank you to my bestie who listens to all of my “woe is me” ramblings and always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better…even if that means lying about the shape of my thighs.
I started well. I had a plan. Now, on the last night of my vacation I’m realizing how terribly ill-prepared I really was.
I packed my sneakers and planned to get at least some walking, if not light jogging, in during the week. I didn’t plan for the sidewalks o’ slush that completely soaked my running shoes during my first trip to the market. I packed snacks for the movies, then failed to actually take them to the theater. That triggered a slippery slope from poutine to popcorn. I can make as many excuses as you’ll listen to, but the truth is, I let myself give up. For the week. I feel shitty about that. I have to forgive myself and start over. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow at 5:30 am my alarm will go off and I’ll fumble around in the dark trying to make sure I don’t leave anything behind. Anything important, that is. It is a given I’ll leave something behind. But I will start, at that moment, logging, in earnest, my daily food and exercise as well as tracking my behavior modifications. I’ll create a separate page for posting the logs so that you can help to keep me honest.
Here’s a photo of my airport goodies all ready to go:
Next Saturday I’m flying to Montreal for a long overdue visit with my Bestie. In the past, we’ve spent a good portion of our time together wandering in and out of food shops, nibbling on chocolatines, indulging in apple and cheese crepes at our favorite local breakfast place and snacking on ice cream and cereal at two in the morning. It is always an incredibly healthy trip.
This time, though, I’m determined to stick to my goals…within moderation. Oh sure, I’ll have to have a bite of chocolatine (it would be a sin not to), and I know my meal and workout schedule will be a bit messed up. But, I feel like if I plan well and try not to fall into a pit of lazy vacationitis, I can get through it without sacrificing too much.
First, I’m packing my running shoes and workout clothes. There is a fitness center just a block from where I’m staying, so I’ve sent an email to ask about daily/weekly rates. Just in case I’m not able to use the center, I’m also bringing my Zumba DVDs and will force the Bestie to shake it with me! I’ll also head out for a daily walk/jog while Bestie gets some work done. I have to admit though, I’m really hoping I hear back from the fitness center so that I can manage that walk/jog on a treadmill as opposed to the snow-covered sidewalks of the Plateau.
Second, I’ve ordered a couple of items to help me hit my protein goals and keep me from reaching for less healthy snacks in the wee hours of the morning. I picked up a three-pack of these blender bottles from Amazon:
I will probably have some pretty lengthy airport layovers (especially since my plan is to get there well in advance of my 4:00pm flight so that I can try to hop an earlier one stand-by) and it is a cruel, cruel coincidence that the gates I fly out of are surrounded by California Pizza Kitchen, Starbucks and Vosges Chocolates. I’ll pre-portion my protein powder into individual bags so that I have a just-add-water meal at my fingertips. I’ll also feel less guilty about indulging in a bit of sushi or fondue if I know I’m meeting my daily protein goals.
We usually make at least one trip to the movies while I’m there and if there is one food that tests my willpower more than any other, it is movie theater popcorn. It is also a slider food, which means that I can eat more than I should while experiencing little to no restriction. The theater we frequent also serves real butter on their popcorn (just another reason to love Canada). Luckily, the Bestie doesn’t suffer from the same popcorn addiction I do and can easily walk right past the concession stand without a second thought. I’ll stuff a bag of these little nibblies I found on Eggface’s blog in my purse to help with the must-snack-on-something-crunchy-while-watching-a-movie habit. Convenient, single-serving size, good protein content and low carb. I just hope they taste good!
For the airport, I’ll probably also pack a couple sticks of string cheese in my purse, my Kindle is loaded with lots of good books and I’ll pick up a few magazines. Now I just need to get the playlists sorted in my iPod and I’m all set… if I can just manage to limit my packing and keep from having to check a bag, that is. Easier said than done.
An acquaintance of mine, whom I know through one of the many social networks to which I belong, posted today that she was struggling with emotional eating. I can totally relate.
For as long as I can remember, food has been a constant companion. Ben & Jerry know exactly how to cure a heartache, the Planter’s peanut guy can drag you from the depths of boredom and stress doesn’t stand a chance with Mr. Hershey around! I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve come home from a particularly bad day at work and rationalized my way into a frozen pizza or sat zombie-like, eyes glazed over while watching TV with a bag of Cheetos.
I make different choices now out of necessity. Suzy doesn’t like frozen pizza all that well and cheetos, hell, she’s protesting almost before I open the bag. For me, though, it is about the behavior. I can easily replace unhealthy snacks with more healthy choice, but that doesn’t help me to break the snacking habit. Here is a list of things that help me to get through those ridiculously annoying bouts of head hunger:
These aren’t foolproof, and I won’t dare pretend that I am 100% perfect all the time. But, they are the guidelines that are helping me to change my behaviors. Maybe one or more of them will work for you, too.
Today was one of those days. You know the kind I’m talking about. You start off with lots of plans and items to check off the To Do list and then Whammo! Life throws a monkey wrench and all of those carefully laid plans go right out the window.
Despite the unfinished items on my list, work was pretty good today. I really like the days when I get some extra face time with Doc. It is always good to sit down and just talk, you know? I didn’t have an opportunity to talk with him about the ONE BIG THING on my mind, but that’s okay, I am sure we’ll get to it tomorrow.
I might have already mentioned that I am the Insurance Coordinator for our practice. Today, I had a list of precertification and predetermination requests I wanted to complete. I’m trying to work ahead so that I know everything is complete and there are no loose ends to be tied up when I leave for vacation on February 12. Working with insurance companies is sometimes a bit of a maze. I do love the challenge, though. Nothing makes me happier than guiding our patients through the process and then calling them to say, “you are approved!” For most of our patients, the road to surgery is long and arduous. I really can’t describe how gratifying it is to coach them through the process. Since I’ve had surgery myself, I get to do more coaching than before. It’s nice to be able to share my experiences with others.
The gym, though, THAT was a struggle. Oy! Sis and I have been going faithfully, and each session I feel like I get a little more out of it. I’m getting in at least 30 minutes of cardio and really amping up the weight training. But tonight, everything seemed harder. I was bored on the treadmill, bored on the bike, bored on the stairmaster (which has become my favorite piece of equipment, by the way) and I just couldn’t focus. When it came to weights, I couldn’t get motivated to stick to a routine. I try to do one night of lower body, one night of upper body, one night of abs and just keep rotating. Tonight I was all over the place…legs, arms, sit-ups, arms again. I feel like I worked out without accomplishing anything.
So that’s it. Today was kind of a meh day. But, I kept to my goals and didn’t let myself give in to the ennui.
Oh! I guess I should share my success from yesterday…I’ve melted away another 4 inches, bringing my total inches lost since June to 36. Three feet of excess me is now history. So, even if the scale is moving more slowly than I’d like, it is still moving and I am still getting smaller, healthier and more fit every day.
And, since I haven’t shared in a while, here’s the tally for today:
Breakfast: ProJoe Nillacino Protein Drink (20g Protein)
Lunch: Starkist Tuna Salad with 2 crackers (22g Protein)
Snack: Light String Cheese (8g Protein)
Dinner: Baked Chicken Breast with Broccoli & Cauliflower (24g Protein)
Post-Workout Treat: 100 Calorie Nesquik Chocolate Milk (8g Protein)
So, with that, I think I’ll borrow a line from Scarlett O’Hara…Tomorrow is another day.
My focus lately has been goal number two, Get Fit.
Last week, my sister and I joined a gym. It is one thing to join a gym, quite another to actually GO to the gym. Right after Thanksgiving, I paid fora gym membership and had two sessions with a personal trainer. It would be easy for me to say that it was bad timing on my part and use all of the craziness of the holidays as an excuse for not going more often, but that would be a lie. I could easily have gone to the gym every evening on my way home and on Saturdays, but did I? Nope. I chose to half-ass my way through some Zumba and Pilates DVDs at home and play around, here and there, on the elliptical.
This time is different. Having my sister to go with me is a great help. We tend to push each other and she doesn’t let me get away with making excuses. Since we’ve started going, I feel so good about myself. So good, in fact, that when Sis had a work event last night I dragged off to the gym on my own. I simply decided that I couldn’t let her excuse, however legitimate, be mine. And, the encouragement of my online friends always helps. Thank you, Plurk buddies!
In a half-hour or so, we’ll trek off to the gym again and stop at the grocery store before the BIG STORM hits. BIG STORM where I live is anything where snow accumulations are expected to be over an inch. There is always a run on milk, eggs and bread, but I don’t care about any of that. My yogurt supply is getting dangerously low. Running out is not an option. Oh, and we need fat free half and half at the office.
As for the rest of my goals…
I am getting more organized. My office is mostly clean and my filofax is filled with all of my to do lists, appointments and plans. I’m journaling regularly and it is helping me to keep my thoughts organized and focused on my goals. I won’t lie, it was slow going at first, but they are starting to get more insightful and inspiring.
I am still logging my food intake, but I need to be more consistent. I was positively compulsive about it for a while, and I’m finding it hard to get back to that consistency. I’m getting there, slowly but surely. And I suppose you can be the judge as to how well I’m doing on my goal to blog regularly.
Time to pull my yoga pants from the dryer, lace up my sneakers and throw my hair in a pony tail. My plan for tonight, in addition to strength training, is to run one minute out of every three during my 20 minute warm-up on the treadmill and complete a full five minutes on the stairmaster. I loathe cardio. But I want to be a runner. Go figure.
I realize it has been almost a week since I last posted here, but it has been kind of crazy these last several days. And, to be honest, I’ve been a little lax and unfocused in all of the running around. I’ve made some good choices, and some not so great ones, but I’m back on track today.
My aunt was in town visiting over the weekend, which meant dinner out on Friday and a home-cooked meal (prepared by my mom) on Saturday. I feel like I made really good choices at both dinners, but the sitting around chatting on Saturday night was a study in mindless munching. The Chex Mix wasn’t even all that tasty, and it really didn’t go well with the glass of Riesling I sipped on, and still I sat there munching and chatting and chatting and munching. Did it ever occur to me to just move the damn bowl? Nope. Not even for a second. Le sigh.
I did, however, manage to pass up the cake at Doc’s birthday lunch. I took one small bite and that bite let me know that I needed to stay far away from it or I would inhale the entire thing. I managed to avoid it the rest of the day. *whew*
Lets talk about today, shall we? I had my six-month check-up with my neuro-opthalmologist. In 2007, I was diagnosed with Pseudotumor Cerebri. Basically, a build up of spinal fluid collects in the brain and acts like a tumor, putting pressure on the optic nerve. I had been experiencing severe headaches for a few years – I remember having a Cat Scan when I was in college because I’d have blinding, “white light” headaches that would make me nauseated. The scan was normal. In 2002, I stopped in for a routine eye exam, thinking that I just needed my prescription updated as I was starting to have headaches again. The optometrist said my optic nerve looked “fuzzy” and could indicate that something, like a TUMOR, was causing pressure. I freaked out! My family doctor ordered a stat MRI for 10:oo am on a Friday and by noon I was driving with my family to New Orleans for my sister’s wedding. And while it was a fantastic weekend, I was convinced I was going to come home to horrible news.
The MRI showed no abnormalities. The headaches stopped. (Isn’t that always the case, symptoms disappear only after you’ve spent a fortune on tests?)
Fast forward a few years. In 2007, I was sitting in the hospital room reading while my mom recovered from her hysterectomy. Each time she would make a sound, I would look up from my book. I noticed that when I looked back down, it would take thirty seconds or more for my vision to un-blur. Sometimes, I would notice “floaters” as though a flashbulb had gone off. I went to my family doctor again, and he thought he noticed micro-aneurysms in my eyes. This is fairly common in people who have diabetes, which I did not have, so we did some blood work to check and that came back essentially normal. I was referred to an opthalmologist. He was absolutely no help and his report back to my doctor basically said, “this is out of my depth, perhaps order a neuro consult.”
My family doctor, who doesn’t mess around, decided “screw it” and made me an appointment for the next week at Washington University Eye Center to see one of the best neuro-opthalmologists available. Dr. Hart was an older gentleman who wore three-piece suits every day and wrote with a fountain pen. He ordered a few tests and before the day was done, he was fairly certain of the diagnosis. I went back the next week for an MRI, to once again rule out a brain tumor, and then had a spinal tap to measure, then remove, the excess fluid from inside my skull. (Note: If you ever have to have a spinal tap, I highly recommend Barnes Hospital in St. Louis…my procedure was as painless as having a huge needle jammed in your spine can be!)
Just as he suspected, my intracranial pressure was 32. They were able to lower it to a much more normal 14. I think. I’m a little fuzzy on those numbers. I was officially diagnosed with Pseudotumor Cerebri. From that point, I had two options. I could have a shunt placed that would re-route excess fluid into my abdomen where it would be absorbed or I could go on high-dose glaucoma medication. Dr. Hart told me that PtC is sometimes referred to as glaucoma of the brain (that’s a little opthalmology humor, I suppose). I chose medication and we have been monitoring my progress since.
Over the last four years, I’ve lost a little bit of peripheral vision, a small bit from the inside, lower quandrant of my left eye, and an even smaller place in the same location in my right eye. But my overall vision has not deteriorated.
Fast forward to today’s visit. My visual field test showed no change. No change is good. This means that my peripheral vision loss has not worsened. I may never get back what I’ve lost, so the goal now is to remain stable. My overall vision has actually improved. I’ll see my optometrist for a new reading prescription soon, but that should be all that I need. I’m also off the glaucoma medication entirely. THIS is a huge deal. I started out at 1000mg per day, then we doubled that dosage when my visual field tests worsened. In October, because my VF had remained stable and I was losing weight, we dropped my dosage to 500mg per day. Today, Dr. Van Stavern (he took over my care when Dr. Hart retired in May 2009) took that huge orange pill out of my life for good. I’m so thankful!
I also got to spend the whole day with my sister who volunteered to come to my appointment with me and then out for shopping and a little lunch. I’m pretty proud of myself. We went to one of my favorite restaurants and I chose their signature Mandarin Orange Souffle which is served with this gorgeous, fresh chicken salad. Lots of protein and good carbs. Okay, so the souffle is dense with cream, but I only had two bites. We did pick up a small piece of Godiva chocolate for the drive home and I swear to you, it was the best tiny little bite of chocolate I’ve ever had in my mouth.
I had the one on the left. The Chocolate Mendiant -Dark chocolate ganache between two dark chocolate disks, topped with bits of organic dried apricot, tart cherry, and sea salt. I’m so glad we only bought a single piece for each of us! (photo from Godiva)
During our drive, we made the decision to join a local gym. We scheduled a time that works for both of us and we’ll begin next week. The good thing about working out with my sister is that we are pretty competitive and we can see right through each others excuses. There will be no “I’m too tired” or “I need to wash my hair” attempts at getting out of it. We’re planning to go each evening after her kiddos are safely tucked in bed. I’m excited!
I started this post thinking about Mari Winsor. Months ago I purchased the WinsorSlim Pilates DVDs. I’ve tried them a couple times in the past, but they were hard to get through because my fat thighs made it difficult to do the transitions with the Accelerator bar. Not any more! My fat thighs have been banished forever! I did the Cardio Sculpt workout tonight…TWICE! I felt really good after the first one, so I decided to keep going. My thighs feel a bit like jello at the moment, so I might regret that decision. I skipped the elliptical tonight, but I’m setting my alarm to get up a half-hour early to get in at least 20 minutes in the morning. I think I said before that was my plan, but so far it hasn’t worked out that way. I really like my bed. Too much. I need someone to pull me out of it at 6:00 am every day. Volunteers?
I found this interesting graphic a while back, and it really helped me to make the decision to go forward with bariatric surgery:
I think I might be on the winning side of that percentage! Love it!
Transitional Invariance 
